Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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