Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
