physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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