you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
