Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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