So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
