overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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