____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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