Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
