Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
