It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Couch. On fire.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
