Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
