i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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