The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
