my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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