how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
