What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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