just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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