dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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