So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
