i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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