At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
