you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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