i just google imaged poop.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
