I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
