I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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