Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i love accidental penises.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
