Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sorry about my life...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize