well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
