I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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