fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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