People in love make me want to vomit
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
