Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
