I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
