Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
