this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
