if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
