Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
