you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
