I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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