Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
