walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
