I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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