so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize