he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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