As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
