Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
