one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
