I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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