ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
