You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
