had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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