we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
