I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
