So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
