Acid is not a monday night drug
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
