my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
