I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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