His hands were made for my vagina.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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