I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
