At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
do nipples grow back?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
