is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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