She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
