out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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