Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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