I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
