Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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