I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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