i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I lost the right to judge tonight
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
