i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
