it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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