I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My vagina just recognized that song.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
