Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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