So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
