: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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