Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
