I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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