It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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