i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize