I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I love you. Go after that dick
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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