We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
