me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
