have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
