the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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