Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize