i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
