I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize