I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I need moral support for this bender
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
