Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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