last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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