Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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