he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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