if you like me you must not know who I am
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
