From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
