my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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